Had We Never Departed
by xXUnbreakablexFaithXx
Summary: If they had never departed, oh how perfect their world could've been. This story is about Leafpool and Crowfeather, and what would've happened if he they didn't leave eachother. Spoilers, you've been warned. Rated T.
1. Chapter 1

** Hey this is my first fanfic so please be nice! I hope you like it, I just spent three hours planning the entire thing out; which includes the plot, chapters, ect. Not to mention it took me another 45 minutes to a half an hour to write the first chapter! Now I did my part, and I'm asking everyone who enjoyed this for my first fic to please read & review! Thanks, I'm planning on continuing with this piece because I like it so much! Enjoy! ~ xXUnbreakablexFaithXx**

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Disclaimer: **I am not Erin Hunter, thus I don't own any of this obviously!

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The early dawn light lit the sky, beaming gloriously across the horizon. The pale, milky pre-dawn colors where now replaced with the new lively, golden rays that brought together a sense of peace, it was the certain type of glorious sight that almost fools you into believing everything, for only one moment so, will be okay in the world. It brings on a sort of sense that your paws are walking the right path and are heading in the right direction. The sight of a new dawn is almost like the sign that it is a new starting to your life, although this could also signal the starting to the end.

I'm Leafpool. I _was _the ThunderClan medicine cat apprentice and I _did _at one point think that my paws where chasing my destiny. But no, no cat could have been as wrong as I was. It most certainly was not my destiny. My eyes glowed with warmth as I gazed at my true destiny walking beside me. My true destiny was a sight that almost, as I was sure, could forever capture my breath and take my life away in one single pur. My heart danced rapidly to the beat of love stirring in my chest at his sight. His name is Crowfeather. He is my mate. My destiny. The thing that my old life was forbidden to have.

My old life was ruled by a strict code. As a medicine cat I was not to have a mate or any sort of loving, affectionate relationship with a tom. Especially one that comes from another clan. Oh no, that was certainly something our ancestors just wouldn't allow. But how can I let a clan of dead cats not allow me a good life and a destiny? Sure it offered the medicine cat roll but there is something more greater than that. This something was more greater than the air I breathed in with each passing moment. It was Crowfeather. He was handsome without a doubt. He was tall and thin, he had that smoky black pelt color and deep blue eyes that I couldn't stop myself from getting lost in. But most importantly, I loved him for his personality. It was who he was.

My first thoughts of him were always so mean, he was grouchy and snappy toward me for almost no reason at all. It wasn't until later when he saved my life that I realized his reasons were because he loved me and didn't want to lose me like he lost his old love, Feathertail. He also knew, just like him and Feathertail, that we were from completely different clans and forbidden relationships never worked. He was wrong. Now I'd finaly have the chance to prove him that this was going to work out better than he expected. We'd start a new life, we'd chase new dreams and goals, but most importantly we'd start a family. I was determined to have his kits and be the wonder mate and mother to his kits that he had always dreamed and wished for.

Though most would see Crowfeather as a tough, bitter cat it was only because they couldn't see the cat he truly was. They couldn't see the warm heart that rests inside of him like I did. They just couldn't see his affection that he only showed to the ones he loved the most and the deepest. I am that cat. I own that bond with him. No other cat will, no not never. No cat from his clan could give him what I offered, thus same going for me. Never in my life will I ever find his equal, nor I doubt he could find mine either. Though I wasn't as special as he was, I was sure.

I sighed inwardly. StarClan had been the one thing that I trusted, I set my paws on their path, and I promised them my life. And now I knew I was wrong. In my point of view they were cruel, how could they not grant me the one thing I lived for? Shaking the thought off my mind I gazed at the strong tom cat walking beside me. I brushed my side up against his and purred. Crowfeather twined his tail with mine yet did not meet my eyes. I found this action sort of cold so I pressed further into his thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" I softly mewed, my amber eyes gazing at him in utter warmth. I had left every single piece of my life that I held so dear and loved oh so very much behind. All except for him.

He sighed and narrowed his eyes, looking forward refusing them from flickering over to me, "I- I just don't know if we're doing the right thing." He meowed, and in that sudden moment he had sounded rather distant and unsure, "I mean. Last night I knew we needed to turn back to our clans but we didn't. I loved you way to much to do that. But by going on don't you realize we're leaving everything behind? The ones we loved, and StarClan. And if we leave StarClan behind we also leave away the warrior code and the ones who have passed away that we so dearly wanted to meet up with again in the after life." He stated looking guiltily to his paws.

Struck with discomfort and hurt I gazed sadly down to my paws. I knew with the last remark his mind was set on one thing, Feathertail. This choked me up and hit me to the core. "You aren't over her are you?" I whispered trying to hide the pain.

Crowfeather allowed his eyes to flicker in my direction for a moment, obviously through guilt, and then they led back to his paws. "It's not that." His mew was full of warry, "It's that, well I did love her. I wanted to see her again, I wanted to let her know that by being in love with you I wasn't betraying her. I wanted her forgiveness. Now I'll never know if I had that."

My eyes led back to his face that was staring directly ahead as we walked, "Don't you see Crowfeather? She loved you so much! And they say that true love is letting go, letting the one your in love with find peace and happiness." I meowed making myself sounding as convincing as possible, " And if that means her watching as you and me start a life then it is so. She doesn't forgive you, because there was nothing you did wrong in the first place that needed forgiveness. In her heart, watching you be whole, is what in the end she wanted to see. You're finally allowing her to rest in peace."

His dark blue eyes gazed warmly into the depths of mine. It seemed we were froze like this forever, or at least I wished it could be so, though it was only one mere simple moment. But these moments seemed to be the base of the relationship. It was what made our relationship last as two cats from separate clans. Those moments could only be labeled as one thing, love. And love it was only. "I hope you're right." He murmured as we walked once more in search of new territory.

In the most assuring voice I could manage, after all I just experienced my heart stop as he gazed into my eyes, I said, "Yes of course. If you were in StarClan and Feathertail was the one alive wouldn't you want her to find happiness instead of morning bitterly over you all her life? Wouldn't you selflessly want that for her?" I finished wisely choosing my words.

He gave me no response at first, then after a moment or two of waiting he did, "Yes, of course. I just can't help but to feel the never ending guilt that embeds itself into my being." His voice was faint and intertwined with the slightest hint of melon collie.

The sound of his voice was so beautiful and the words spoken directly from within. Whoever knew that I could fall in love with the cat I once thought of as an enemy? It was so unreal, but the unreal part of it was the part that made oh so very real. It strengthened everything that bound us together. My only reply was to purr. I was lost for words to reply to the handsome cat standing beside me. Embarrassment burned my ears slightly, he knew I was completely, absolutely head over heels for him and I couldn't control myself near him.

He murrowed with laughter slightly at me, I was so incredibly weak at hiding my emotions for him when he was right beside me. He purred too. One of the things he almost never did unless he meant it. He twined our tails even tighter together and pressed his body close to mine, "Leafpool, I'm no good for you. You deserve way better." His attractive voice mewed in my ear.

"That's not true," I mewed back, "And I could say the very same to you." I whispered.

He did nothing but give the slightest of a sigh and we walked in silence once more, I enjoyed every bit of it as we went in search of our new home. This sealed my fate. I was never returning to ThunderClan, and he was never returning to WindClan. We now started the rest of our lives together as we walked on in total peace. And for the first time in the longest, I felt whole inside.

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**Sorry this chapter was so short! I promise longer ones in the near future! So now, please review once you have finished reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! It's me again! Yes I have updated this story with another chapter, I was waiting for a few reviews first! Remember, the more reviews the more it helps to keep a story alive! Thus, if you read this and like it we're all depending on you to make that review to keep this alive! I would certainly like to thank those who have read my story so far and reviewed it, I would personally like to thank you all who have! Well, keep reading and reviewing and I'll keep up with the flow of writing, thanks! ~ xXUnbreakablexFaithXx **

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**Disclaimer: **Hmm, well my name isn't Erin Hunter, I guess that means I don't own this, eh?

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Everything, everyone, just every little detail of my old life was left behind besides him. It was a good thing knowing I had him, but now I will never see my beloved sister Squirrelflight again. Hopefully she'd work things out with Brambleclaw, who knows if the two will ever become mates. And now that I have left, what are the thoughts running through Firestar's head? Could he possibly be mad and hold a never ending hatred against his own daughter? I sighed, I could never return there. But with the love of Crowfeather I would have no reason to turn back. Does Sandstorm miss me?

Sometimes I wonder if Cinderpelt seen this coming. I mean, I did get the feeling that she had suspicions of me liking Crowfeather, even as an apprentice I felt so. Now what would she have to tell the other medicine cats at the next full moon? That her apprentice left to be mates with a cat from a different clan and they ran away together? What a shame I was marking upon ThunderClan.

But what about Crowfeather? His mother Ashfoot was clan deputy! She was certain not to be happy, nor would Onestar who has a grudge against ThunderClan at the moment. Now this would certainly make the two clans enemies for seasons to come. Neither of us could possibly turn back now, no not ever. I was sure neither clan would accept us back. _Obviously._

Sighing once more I curled my body up and faced him. His eyes were open, observing me carefully. I wrapped my tail around my paws and stuck my nose into my brown tabby fur. My gaze cast upon him as my mind lost itself in complicated thought. Contemplating whether we had chosen wisely or not. Perhaps this would go on for moons, how could I not feel this sense of shame and guilt? My eyes trailed up to the stars. We traveled for one day and we did nothing but walk, we were far, far from the clans now most likely.

These were not the stars of StarClan. Where ever we walk now our ancestors will not follow. Not ever again. We had left them behind too. I would never see my family ever again, not even in death. For eternity now I'd live without them. And nothing could be longer than forever, and just the sound of forever left a huge void in my heart that guiltily I knew Crowfeather couldn't possibly heal or fill. I closed my eyes shut tight as I knew I never felt such pain, but I couldn't let him know it. I let the sound of the crickets chirping in the cool night grass to take my mind off it for a short while.

A short anguished sigh came from him. I immediately blinked my eyes open to stare into the depths of his. "Dear love, what's wrong?" I asked tiredly. He did not meet my gaze, and his dark body curled up in a ball like mine.

"Nothing Leafpool, go back to sleep." His answer came. There was something distant in his voice that I didn't like.

"No... please tell me what it is!" I urged him, if his mind was on the same topic as mine then perhaps we could talk these things out together and I wouldn't have to feel such a sense of lingering guilt.

He did nothing more than shake his head and turn his back on me and close his eyes. I watched silently for a while, watching his chest rise and fall until it fell in a steady, slow, deep rhythm. He was in a deep sleep. I was at lost for words. Not sure what to say or do. I was about to send a prayer to StarClan, but then I realized that it would never me answered or heard. Feeling my eyes glaze up with tears I responded quietly, "I'm sorry." It was an apology to the ones I loved, as well as StarClan. An apology that would never be heard.

Feeling frustrated, as if I'd have nothing left to do anymore and as if all my hope was shredded I closed my eyes. The only good thing about this life was that I had Crowfeather, that was enough to keep my spark for living. I buried my nose into my warm pelt and feel into a light, uneasy sleep.

oOoOo

My sleek, gray-black paws darted out in front of me. I was in swift pursuit of my prey. The light of sun-high flooded down in this wide meadow as I chased after my prey. It dashed in zig-zag paterns that I followed easily using my tail to balance me. My instincts were to sink my teeth into the mottled brown pelt of the rabbit. My eyes narrowed in concentration as my speed increased, then while I was nearing the rabbit I made one pounce. This pounce would all determine whether me and Leafpool would eat today.

My paws headed straight for the fleeing rabbits back. _Success!_ I felt a tingle of pride as my claws hooked in the rabbits pelt and my weight leaned down on it. It struggled flaring its extended paws at me but I dived in and delivered the death bite to the back of it's neck. I felt as the blood gushed out from it's neck and then it slowly went limp, the light dying from it's eyes.

I carried the limp rabbit in my jaws, slowly padding back to the temporary nest me and leafpool made. I blinked my eyes tiredly, I hadn't got much of a sleep last night. I couldn't. To much was on my mind. After all, had I not just left everything behind for a she-cat? Was I insane!? But my question was already answered, no, I was in love. I had been in love once before. My heart still ached for her sometimes.

Oh, how could I ever forget my dearest Feathertail? She understood the arrogant, hot-tempered apprentice I once was. She knew who I was. It was her that I found so damn comforting. She was so beautiful too, sleek silver fur with the prettiest blue eyes I ever seen. She was so slender, and they way I felt when she wrapped her tail around mine was uncomprehendable to anything I had ever felt.

And then she died.

I had blamed myself so much for her death, I couldn't believe it. I was never put under such an amount of misery before. What cat could survive something like that anyways? I would've died of a broken heart if I hadn't met and fell in love with Leafpool afterward. Sure I would never find her as attractive as Feathertail, but yet I would not find myself more in love with a cat than I was with Leafpool. She was so sweet, so kind, so irresistible. She is everything I would want to be the mother of my kits.

I wasn't at all bothered by the fact I'd never see my clan again. Nope. What tom could want that when they now have the love of their life padding beside them for eternity? It was the fact that my clan now knows what a backstabbing betrayer I am. Yes that's right, I doubt I was ever loyal to them in the first place. After all, I always tend to fall in love with she-cats in different clans. Of course, now I'll never meet Feathertail in StarClan, but who knows, she probably travels with the Tribe of Endless Hunting now.

I walked up to Leafpool. She was laying down staring off into the distance. Perhaps being gone from home was bothering her too. I'd have to try hard to show her that I didn't care. I don't' want to be on her list of worries. Dropping the rabbit at her paws she jerked upwards. "Day dreaming huh?" I joked light heartedly. For the first time in our journey she let the corners of her mouth twitch upward in a smile.

I lay down and sank my teeth into the rabbit. The fresh meal felt so good. It was the first thing we ate since we left. She ate with me too, our muzzles would brush here and there and we bit into our prey. It was so delicious, and a good way to start off in a new life together. We ate in an awkward silence, I patiently waited for her to say something. She didn't so I began to speak, "Well, prey is certainly running well around here."

"Yes, indeed." She spoke, her voice sounded so far off. This troubled me.

"Leafpool, somethings wrong." I stated. This was far from a question. Her pleading green eyes glowed into mine and I felt struck by her pain as if it were lightning.

"Yes, something is wrong. My clan perhaps hates me now, and views me as a backstabber!" She cried out her voice cracking with each syllable.

I almost wanted to smile and say 'Welcome to the club', but I decided that would only make matters worse, "No one should blame you," I assured my love, "I am all there is to blame. If not they should hate me and view me as the backstabber, they should hunt me down and kill me. If it was not I who always fell in love with cats from other clans and if it was not I who confessed my love for you in the first place neither of us would be here!"

Her eyes were big and round as they gazed up at me and she placed her tail on me lightly, "We both know that isn't true. I was always so strongly attracted to you even when you were mean to me. It was when you told me you loved me I realized I had felt the same. Even if you didn't sooner or later I'd come to notice that inside of me." She whispered and she twined her tail staring down at her paws. It hurt me so bad, I just wanted this to be my fault not hers.

We stayed liked that for some time, staring at our paws, thinking over the past and our actions. I stood up and stretched, parting my jaws in a wide yawn. I blinked my eyes at her once, "Well Leafpool, If we're ever going to start a new life together I'd suggest we get a move on."

I had broken her away from her thoughts for she finally took her eyes off of her paws and stared up at me, "Yes your right." She mewed and stood up stretching also. We walked once more, just like we had done yesterday. Once again in silence, once again both of us in thought. I would no longer dwell on the past. All I had was the future.

I cast a side long glance at her, she would always I have a guilty feeling inside I was sure. _Hmpft, she-cats! _I thought. Could they never get over their emotions? Shaking my head I walked beside of her. I had no clue what we were in search for or of. But I was certain to find us a new home that was better than the clans. We would have the life and family together I had always wanted. With her at my side, anything was possible.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey it's me again! I'm so glad so many people enjoy this story! Just remember, the more reviews the faster I update! I got this story planned out good and I hope you enjoy it! Can't wait to write chapter 4! ~xXUnbreakablexFaithXx**

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Disclaimer: **Last time I checked my name wasn't Erin Hunter.

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We had been traveling for such a long while, the clans are so far behind now I am sure. And day by day, I feel myself caring less. The bright, glorious colors of morning beamed down lighting up the world more. For the past half moon we had been trying to find a home, so many places we found were so unsuccessful. Perhaps we'd travel forever like this as loners. My whisker's twitched slightly, I had to disagree with that. We had to settle down sometime after all.

Oh how good it felt though! Finally freed from my burdens with the clan, and a new life! I couldn't be more blessed, and the joyful spring in my step sure showed it. We had traveled through wind and rain, day and night, meadows and forests, and we were together like we wanted all along! Oh how sweet the chirping of the birds sounded this morning, something was oddly different about today... like it felt as if we were going to find a long hidden answer. I shrugged the thought off and glanced at him as we slowly paced through the woods enjoying the different sights. His gaze trailed to mine and he smiled slightly but he kept padding on and I could tell for the first time in the longest, he too, was happy.

"We're going to have such a good life, I promise you." He mewed. His voice sounded so light, so care free... so much more different than the complicated one from before. He finally realized, as did I, that this was for the better. It was time to forget about our relatives and deny the fact that we even had a past life within the ranks of the clans.

"Yes," I purred warmly, my amber eyes glowing, "I almost feel as if that is certain." I never felt so whole, I never felt so right.

He didn't reply but only nodded. The fresh scents of the morning that clung to the air seemed to be so calming. I seemed to get lost in this feeling, it was if I could never be depressed again even if I tried.

"Well, once we find a permanent home... what do you think about ... well starting a family?" I mused, I had never brought up much about having a family around Crowfeather. As a medicine cat that was entirely impossible. But I just wanted that with him, kits would bind us together forever. Not to mention I had done many deliveries with pregnant queens and I always wished I could have that motherly bond with my own kits. Kits that my old life forbid me to have.

Crowfeather laughed slightly, "Um... I had no clue you actually ever wanted to have kits, but sure." He didn't sound as excited about it as I did. This troubled me, did he ever really want to be a father? Or would he rather have Feathertail be the mother of his kits? I felt the envy burn in my heart.

"Don't you want a family?" I asked, hoping that he would.

"Yes, of course." He mewed simply. I sighed, toms never really seemed to be as interested in this like the she-cats did.

"Oh." I replied, then pressing further into his thoughts I asked, "Well, what would be good names? I thought maybe... well if we have, for example, a golden tom cat. Wouldn't Lionkit be a good name for it?"

"Well, now this is just the type of thing that I was thinking about," He mewed choosing his words, his eyes narrowed in thought, "Well, we're no longer part of a clan right?"

"Right." I meowed, not quite sure what he was getting at.

"Well, if we're not part of a stupid clan that forsaken our relationship, why in the name of StarClan do we have to give those kits a traditional name! It's mouse-brained! Like instead, we could name that kit Lion." He finished, all scorn in his mew dedicated to his hatred of the thing that kept us from being together.

"I see your point." I meowed. Although, I didn't really care for his disrespect to the thing I used to dedicate my life to, and I wasn't really fond of giving up traditional names. But if Crowfeather wanted that, then it would be so, "And I agree." I finished.

He nodded his head, as we trekked through the forest. I stared over at him occasionally. He was always so quiet, so mysterious... there was a dark part of him that lingered like a shadow cast upon him. It was his horrible past that made him so much of a shady character... yet it made him so captivating. He flickered his eyes over at me and I felt my ears slightly burn with embarrassment and I looked the other way.

We had walked for quite some time and Crowfeathter's paws were getting sore. So I suggested we rest for a bit and I would go off and hunt. I stalked through the undergrowth of the forest, keeping my ears pricked for the noise of prey. In a sudden moment I stood stiff, I seen a medium brown flash from the corner of my eye... Squirrel! I shot up the tree after it as it ran circles around the trunk of the tree going upwards. Once I finally got close I dug my claws and deeply embedded them in the body of the prey and then we both feel.

Within a split second I used my tail and agile body to make certain I'd land on my paws. As I landed, my wait crushed down on the squirrel snapping the spine of it. It struggled and made squeaks of sheer misery before the light slowly died from it's eyes. Moments later it fell limp. I picked it up and went back to the fern where I had buried a plump mouse and a vole. Carrying them in my mouth I headed back for Crowfeather.

He was licking his sore, cracked pads. We couldn't go on traveling like this much longer. We had to find a home some way, but when? How long would it be until we forced ourselves into physical exhaustion?

I dropped the prey and lay down beside him. He licked the top of my head a few times, in his grateful, yet loving gesture for bringing something to eat. We ate our meals in silence. I wondered if he ever thought what I had? Did he wish or think we'd ever settle down in a nice home? I watched him eat, my mind lost in thought. Where would we find our new life? Would other cats be in it? And the most chilling thought of all, would we survive it?

I finished my vole as I watched as our morning quickly faded into sun high. "Shall we get a move on?" I asked him. I didn't want to push him if he didn't want to be but we needed nothing more than to find our new life, it would perhaps solve all of our problems. He stiffly got up and stretched. I did feel sorry for him, he was trying so hard and our results weren't good so far.

"Yes." He responded. I gazed at him, had I detected reluctance in his voice?

"You know, we could stay here the night, if you want that is." I whispered. Although I had not wanted to do that, I didn't want him to be uncomfortable.

"I'm fine Leafpool." He replied. Although I wasn't sure if he meant that I nodded my head and twined our tails as we walked. I needed him to be strong, maybe we should've just stayed, but in order for him to be strong also we had to quickly find a new place to stay. I sighed, hopefully going on wouldn't be a mistake.

From time to time I'd steal a glance at him. He looked wary, and very tired. I couldn't deny it, we both were under a lot of stress. I sighed helplessly as we walked.

There was nothing to do, nothing but walk and walk. Sometimes I wondered what we were in search of and if just walking endlessly was worth our search to find it? I kept padding forward even though my body didn't want to. I longed endlessly to find a place already to settle down. And, sometimes I wondered what had become of Cinderpelt since I left. It is saddening that I can't keep in touch with my clan life but now I was on the quest for a new one. It was so close to driving me insane. But oh well, it would be worth it.

We trekked up hill for some time. It was annoying and very tiring. And it seemed to drain us of strength to go forward. Trying to take my mind off of it I turned to my mate and asked, "Do you think there will be other cats where we live?" I mewed hoping there would be.

"Pft. Doubt it," Crowfeather meowed, "We haven't seen any cats for the past half moon ever since we left. Face it, these territories are abandoned." I had not been satisfied with that answer so I just growled slightly.

"Well, always can be hopeful now, can't we?" I asked. The disappointment was obvious in my mew.

The gray-black tom just shrugged, his blue eyes clouded in thought. I knew he wished other cats would be there too, sadly the odds seemed so against us. Come on, there has to be more cats out there somewhere right? I sighed, who knows when our next encounter with other cats would be.... what if it was never? I shivered. Sure I enjoyed Crowfeather's company but I needed more than one cat to socialize with.

As it was nearing sunset I started to ask Crowfeather where we'd settle down for the night. He told me as soon as the uphill land we were walking on evened out. He figured that their was something there but I was highly doubtful. Nothing has really ever gone the way we wanted it today. I was used to disappointment.

"What the- " His voice trailed off and he dashed ahead of me. Obviously we had reached the top of a cliff. I hissed, that's why the land wasn't evening out. Nothing there, rage burned inside of me. Only a dead end and we'd have to turn back and go in a different direction. All the days we worked so hard were now wasted and we'd have to retrace our steps and find a new trail. I let out an agonized moan, how much sanity did I have left to endure this!?

"Leafpool... look." He whispered, his body frozen stiff where he stood, he was in shock. I growled and agreed to walk by him, yet so spitefully so.

I walked by him and my jaw dropped. What I saw was something I had not expected to see. I froze in shock beside him, staring down. I had not expected this at all, and I didn't know how to handle all the emotions built up inside, "Great StarClan!" I yowled loud.

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**Well, I do feel like that chapter was a bit of a filler. However, I did enjoy leaving you hanging! So if you want your questions answered in the next chapter sooner please leave me a review! :) **


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